ACME
25-03-2015, 02:53 PM
One Of The Best Short Stories I Ever Read
Nigeria's newly appointed Minister of Finance is determined to make his country sit up straight with his rigorous overhaul of the system, soon earning him the nickname 'Clean Sweep Ignatius'. But, somehow, large sums of money are still falling through invisible cracks. At his wits end, General Otobi grants Ignatius with the authority to take whatever means he deems necessary to track down the errant funds . . .
//////////
Here is the audio for most of the story
http://www.mediafire.com/download/oinpnguqk1tb8o3/CLEAN_SWEEP_IGNATIUS.rar
CLEAN SWEEP IGNATIUS
FEW showed much interest when IgnatiusAgarbi was appointedNigeria's Minister of Finance.
After all, the cynics pointed out, he was the seventeenth person to hold the office in seventeen years.
In Ignatius's first major policy statement to Parliament he promised to end graft and corruption in public
life and warned the electorate that no one holding an official position could feel safe unless he led a
blameless life. He ended his maiden speech with the words, "I intend to clear outNigeria's Augean
stables."
Such was the impact of the minister's speech that it failed to get a mention in the Lagos Daily Times.
Perhaps the editor considered that, since the paper had covered the speeches of the previous sixteen
ministers inextenso , his readers might feel they had heard it all before.
Ignatius, however, was not to be disheartened by the lack of confidence shown in him, and set about his
new task with vigour and determination. Within days of his appointment he had caused a minor official at
the Ministry of Trade to bejailed for falsifying documents relating to the import of grain. The next to feel
the bristles of Ignatius's new broom was a leading Lebanese financier, who was deported without trial for
breach of the exchange control regulations. A month later came an event which even Ignatius considered
a personal coup: the arrest of the Inspector General of Police for accepting bribes - a perk the citizens of
Lagoshad in the past considered went withthejob . When four months later the Police Chief was
sentenced to eighteen months in jail, the new Finance Minister finally made the front page of the Lagos
Daily Times. A leader on the centre page dubbed him "Clean Sweep Ignatius", the new broom every
guilty man feared. Ignatius's reputation as Mr Clean continued to grow as arrest followed arrest and
unfounded rumours began circulating in the capital that even General Otobi, the Head of State, was under
investigation by his own Finance Minister.
Ignatius alone now checked, vetted and authorised all foreign contracts worth over one hundred million
dollars. And although every decision he made was meticulously scrutinized by his enemies, not a breath
of scandal ever became associated with his name.
When Ignatius began his second year of office as Minister of Finance even the cynics began to
acknowledge his achievements. It was about this time that General Otobi felt confident enough to call
Ignatius in for an unscheduled consultation.
The Head of State welcomed the Minister to Dodan Barracks and ushered him to a comfortable chair
in his study overlooking the parade ground.
"Ignatius, I have just finished going over the latest budget report and I am alarmed by your conclusion
that the Exchequer is still losing millions of dollars each year in bribes paid to go-betweens by foreign
companies. Have you any idea into whose pockets this money is falling? That's what I want to know."
Ignatius sat bolt upright, his eyes never leaving the Head of State.
"I suspect a great percentage of the money is ending up in private Swiss bank accounts but I am at
present unable to prove it."
Cabinet, past and present. And show no fear or favour in your endeavours, no matter what their rank or
connections."
"For such a task to have any chance of success I would need a special letter of authority signed by you,
General . . ."
"Then it will be on your desk bysix o'clockthis evening," said the Head of State.
"And the rank of Ambassador Plenipotentiary whenever I travel abroad."
"Granted."
"Thank you," said Ignatius, rising from his chair on the assumption that the audience was over.
"You may also need this," said the General as they walked towards the door. The Head of State
handed Ignatius a small automatic pistol. "Because I suspect by now that you have almost as many
enemies as I."
Ignatius took the pistol from the soldier awkwardly, put it in his pocket and mumbled his thanks.
Without another word passing between the two men Ignatius left his leader and was driven back to his
Ministry.
Without the knowledge of the Governor of the Central Bank ofNigeriaand unhindered by any senior
civil servants, Ignatius enthusiastically set about his new task. He researched alone at night, and by day
discussed his findings with no one. Three months later he was ready to pounce.
The Minister selected the month of August to make an unscheduled visit abroad as it was the time when
most Nigerians went on holiday and his absence would therefore not be worthy of comment.
He asked his Permanent Secretary to book him, his wife and their two children on a flight toOrlando,
and to be certain that it was charged to his personal account.
On their arrival inFloridathe family checked into the local Marriott Hotel. He then informed his wife,
without warning or explanation, that he would be spending a few days inNew Yorkon business before
rejoining them for the rest of the holiday. The following morning Ignatius left his family to the mysteries of
Disney World while he took a flight toNew York. It was a short taxi ride from La Guardia to Kennedy,
where, after a change of clothes and the purchase of a return tourist ticket for cash, Ignatius boarded a
Swissair flight forGenevaunobserved.
Once in the Swiss capital Ignatius booked into an inconspicuous hotel, retired to bed andslept soundly
for eight hours. Over breakfast the following morning he studied the list of banks he had so carefully
drawn up after completing his research inNigeria: each name was written out boldly in his own hand.
Ignatius decided to start with Gerberet Cie whose building, he observed from the hotel bedroom, took
up half the Avenue de Parchine. He checked the telephone number with the concierge before placing a
call. The chairman agreed to see him attwelve o'clock.
Carrying only a battered briefcase, Ignatius arrived at the bank a few minutes before the appointed
hour- an unusual occurrence for a Nigerian, thought the young man dressed in a smart grey suit, white to the chairman's office. The young executive led the Minister to a waiting lift and neither man uttered
another word until they had reached the eleventh floor. A gentle tap on the chairman's door elicited "
Entrez," which the young man obeyed.
"The Nigerian Minister of Finance, sir."
The chairman rose from behind his desk and stepped forward to greet his guest. Ignatius could not help
noticing that he too wore a grey suit, white shirt and grey silk tie.
"Good morning, Minister," the chairman said. "Won't you have a seat?" He ushered Ignatius towards a
low glass table surrounded by comfortable chairs on the far side of the room. "I have ordered coffee for
both of us if that is acceptable."
Ignatius nodded, placed the battered briefcase on the floor by the side of his chair and stared out of the
large plate-glass window. He made some smallltalk about the splendid view of the magnificent fountain
while a girl served all three men with coffee.
Once the young woman had left the room Ignatius got down to business.
"My Head of State has requested that I visit your bank with a rather unusual request," he began. Not a
flicker of surprise appeared on the face of the chairman or his young assistant. "He has honoured me with
the task of discovering which Nigerian citizens hold numbered accounts with your bank."
On learning this piece of information only the chairman's lips moved. "I am not at liberty to disclose -"
"Allow me to put my case," said the Minister, raising a white palm. "First, let me assure you that I come
with the absolute authority of my government." Without another word, Ignatius extracted an envelope
from his inside pocket with a flourish. He handed it to the chairman who removed the letter inside and
read it slowly.
Once he had finished reading, the banker cleared his throat. "This document, I fear, sir, carries no
validity in my country." He replaced it in the envelope and handed it back to Ignatius. "I am, of course,"
continued the chairman, "not for one moment doubting that you have the full backing of your Head of
State, both as a Minister and an Ambassador, but that does not change the bank's rule of confidentiality
in such matters. There are no circumstances in which we would releasethe names of any of our account
holders without their authority. I'm sorry to be of so little help, but those are, and will always remain, the
bank rules." The chairman rose to his feet, as he considered the meeting was now at an end; but he had
not bargained for Clean Sweep Ignatius.
"My Head of State," said Ignatius, softening his tone perceptibly, "has authorized me to approach your
bank to act as the intermediary for all future transactions between my country andSwitzerland."
"We are flattered by your confidence in us, Minister," replied the chairman, who remained standing.
"However, I feel sure that you will understand that it cannot alter our attitude to our customers'
confidentiality."
Ignatius remained unperturbed.
"Then I am sorry to inform you, Mr Gerber, that our Ambassador inGenevawill be instructed to make avoid such embarrassment, of course, by simply letting me know the names of my countrymen who hold
accounts with Gerberet Cie and the amounts involved. I can assure you we would not reveal the source
of our information."
"You are most welcome to lodge such a communiqué, sir, and I feel sure that our Minister will explain
to your Ambassador in the most courteous of diplomatic language that the Foreign Ministry does not
have the authority under Swiss law to demand such disclosures."
"If that is the case, I shall instruct myown Ministry of Trade to halt all future dealings inNigeriawith any
Swiss nationals until these names are revealed."
"That is your privilege, Minister," replied the chairman, unmoved.
"And we may also have to reconsider every contract currently being negotiated by your countrymen in
Nigeria. And in addition I shall personally see to it that no penalty clauses are honoured."
"Would you not consider such action a little precipitate?"
"Let me assure you, Mr Gerber, that I would not lose one moment of sleep over such a decision," said
Ignatius. "Even if my efforts to discover those names were to bring your country to its knees I would not
be moved."
"So be it, Minister," replied the chairman. "However, it still does not alter the policy or the attitude of
this bank to confidentiality."
"If that remains the case, sir, this very day I shall give instructions to our Ambassador to close our
Embassy inGenevaand I shall declare your Ambassador inLagospersona nongrata."
For the first time the chairman raised his eyebrows.
"Furthermore," continued Ignatius, "I will hold a conference inLondonwhich will leave the world's press
in no doubt of my Head of State's displeasure with the conduct of this bank. After such publicity I feel
confident you will find that many of your customers would prefer to close their accounts, while others
who have in the past considered you a safe haven may find it necessary to look elsewhere."
The Minister waited but still the chairman did not respond.
"Then you leave me no choice," said Ignatius, rising from his seat.
The chairman stretched out his arm, assuming that at last the Minister was leaving, only to watch with
horror as Ignatius placed a hand in his jacket pocket and removed a small pistol. The two Swiss bankers
froze as the Nigerian Minister of Finance stepped forward and pressed the muzzle against the chairman's
temple.
"I need those names, Mr Gerber, and by now you must realise I will stop at nothing. If you don't supply
them immediately I'm going to blow your brains out. Do you understand?"
The chairman gave a slight nod, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. "And he will be next," said
Ignatius, gesturing towards the young assistant, who stood speechless and paralysed a few paces away towards the young man, "or I'll blow your chairman's brains all over his soft pile carpet. Immediately, do
you hear me?" he added sharply.
The young man looked towards the chairman, who was now trembling but said quite clearly, "Non,
Pierre,jamais."
"D'accord," replied the assistant in a whisper.
"You can't say I didn't give you every chance." Ignatius pulled back the hammer. The sweat was now
pouring down the chairman's face and the young man had to turn his eyes away as he waited in terror for
the pistol shot.
"Excellent," said Ignatius, as he removed the gun from the chairman's head and returned to his seat.
Both the bankers were still trembling and quite unable to speak.
The Minister picked up the battered briefcase by the side of his chair and placed it on the glass table in
front of him. He pressed back the clasps and the lid flicked up.
The two bankers stared down at the neatly packed rows of hundred-dollar bills. Every inch of the
briefcase had been taken up. The chairman quickly estimated that it probably amounted to around five
million dollars.
"I wonder, sir," said Ignatius, "how I go about opening an account with your bank?"
////////
The End
Nigeria's newly appointed Minister of Finance is determined to make his country sit up straight with his rigorous overhaul of the system, soon earning him the nickname 'Clean Sweep Ignatius'. But, somehow, large sums of money are still falling through invisible cracks. At his wits end, General Otobi grants Ignatius with the authority to take whatever means he deems necessary to track down the errant funds . . .
//////////
Here is the audio for most of the story
http://www.mediafire.com/download/oinpnguqk1tb8o3/CLEAN_SWEEP_IGNATIUS.rar
CLEAN SWEEP IGNATIUS
FEW showed much interest when IgnatiusAgarbi was appointedNigeria's Minister of Finance.
After all, the cynics pointed out, he was the seventeenth person to hold the office in seventeen years.
In Ignatius's first major policy statement to Parliament he promised to end graft and corruption in public
life and warned the electorate that no one holding an official position could feel safe unless he led a
blameless life. He ended his maiden speech with the words, "I intend to clear outNigeria's Augean
stables."
Such was the impact of the minister's speech that it failed to get a mention in the Lagos Daily Times.
Perhaps the editor considered that, since the paper had covered the speeches of the previous sixteen
ministers inextenso , his readers might feel they had heard it all before.
Ignatius, however, was not to be disheartened by the lack of confidence shown in him, and set about his
new task with vigour and determination. Within days of his appointment he had caused a minor official at
the Ministry of Trade to bejailed for falsifying documents relating to the import of grain. The next to feel
the bristles of Ignatius's new broom was a leading Lebanese financier, who was deported without trial for
breach of the exchange control regulations. A month later came an event which even Ignatius considered
a personal coup: the arrest of the Inspector General of Police for accepting bribes - a perk the citizens of
Lagoshad in the past considered went withthejob . When four months later the Police Chief was
sentenced to eighteen months in jail, the new Finance Minister finally made the front page of the Lagos
Daily Times. A leader on the centre page dubbed him "Clean Sweep Ignatius", the new broom every
guilty man feared. Ignatius's reputation as Mr Clean continued to grow as arrest followed arrest and
unfounded rumours began circulating in the capital that even General Otobi, the Head of State, was under
investigation by his own Finance Minister.
Ignatius alone now checked, vetted and authorised all foreign contracts worth over one hundred million
dollars. And although every decision he made was meticulously scrutinized by his enemies, not a breath
of scandal ever became associated with his name.
When Ignatius began his second year of office as Minister of Finance even the cynics began to
acknowledge his achievements. It was about this time that General Otobi felt confident enough to call
Ignatius in for an unscheduled consultation.
The Head of State welcomed the Minister to Dodan Barracks and ushered him to a comfortable chair
in his study overlooking the parade ground.
"Ignatius, I have just finished going over the latest budget report and I am alarmed by your conclusion
that the Exchequer is still losing millions of dollars each year in bribes paid to go-betweens by foreign
companies. Have you any idea into whose pockets this money is falling? That's what I want to know."
Ignatius sat bolt upright, his eyes never leaving the Head of State.
"I suspect a great percentage of the money is ending up in private Swiss bank accounts but I am at
present unable to prove it."
Cabinet, past and present. And show no fear or favour in your endeavours, no matter what their rank or
connections."
"For such a task to have any chance of success I would need a special letter of authority signed by you,
General . . ."
"Then it will be on your desk bysix o'clockthis evening," said the Head of State.
"And the rank of Ambassador Plenipotentiary whenever I travel abroad."
"Granted."
"Thank you," said Ignatius, rising from his chair on the assumption that the audience was over.
"You may also need this," said the General as they walked towards the door. The Head of State
handed Ignatius a small automatic pistol. "Because I suspect by now that you have almost as many
enemies as I."
Ignatius took the pistol from the soldier awkwardly, put it in his pocket and mumbled his thanks.
Without another word passing between the two men Ignatius left his leader and was driven back to his
Ministry.
Without the knowledge of the Governor of the Central Bank ofNigeriaand unhindered by any senior
civil servants, Ignatius enthusiastically set about his new task. He researched alone at night, and by day
discussed his findings with no one. Three months later he was ready to pounce.
The Minister selected the month of August to make an unscheduled visit abroad as it was the time when
most Nigerians went on holiday and his absence would therefore not be worthy of comment.
He asked his Permanent Secretary to book him, his wife and their two children on a flight toOrlando,
and to be certain that it was charged to his personal account.
On their arrival inFloridathe family checked into the local Marriott Hotel. He then informed his wife,
without warning or explanation, that he would be spending a few days inNew Yorkon business before
rejoining them for the rest of the holiday. The following morning Ignatius left his family to the mysteries of
Disney World while he took a flight toNew York. It was a short taxi ride from La Guardia to Kennedy,
where, after a change of clothes and the purchase of a return tourist ticket for cash, Ignatius boarded a
Swissair flight forGenevaunobserved.
Once in the Swiss capital Ignatius booked into an inconspicuous hotel, retired to bed andslept soundly
for eight hours. Over breakfast the following morning he studied the list of banks he had so carefully
drawn up after completing his research inNigeria: each name was written out boldly in his own hand.
Ignatius decided to start with Gerberet Cie whose building, he observed from the hotel bedroom, took
up half the Avenue de Parchine. He checked the telephone number with the concierge before placing a
call. The chairman agreed to see him attwelve o'clock.
Carrying only a battered briefcase, Ignatius arrived at the bank a few minutes before the appointed
hour- an unusual occurrence for a Nigerian, thought the young man dressed in a smart grey suit, white to the chairman's office. The young executive led the Minister to a waiting lift and neither man uttered
another word until they had reached the eleventh floor. A gentle tap on the chairman's door elicited "
Entrez," which the young man obeyed.
"The Nigerian Minister of Finance, sir."
The chairman rose from behind his desk and stepped forward to greet his guest. Ignatius could not help
noticing that he too wore a grey suit, white shirt and grey silk tie.
"Good morning, Minister," the chairman said. "Won't you have a seat?" He ushered Ignatius towards a
low glass table surrounded by comfortable chairs on the far side of the room. "I have ordered coffee for
both of us if that is acceptable."
Ignatius nodded, placed the battered briefcase on the floor by the side of his chair and stared out of the
large plate-glass window. He made some smallltalk about the splendid view of the magnificent fountain
while a girl served all three men with coffee.
Once the young woman had left the room Ignatius got down to business.
"My Head of State has requested that I visit your bank with a rather unusual request," he began. Not a
flicker of surprise appeared on the face of the chairman or his young assistant. "He has honoured me with
the task of discovering which Nigerian citizens hold numbered accounts with your bank."
On learning this piece of information only the chairman's lips moved. "I am not at liberty to disclose -"
"Allow me to put my case," said the Minister, raising a white palm. "First, let me assure you that I come
with the absolute authority of my government." Without another word, Ignatius extracted an envelope
from his inside pocket with a flourish. He handed it to the chairman who removed the letter inside and
read it slowly.
Once he had finished reading, the banker cleared his throat. "This document, I fear, sir, carries no
validity in my country." He replaced it in the envelope and handed it back to Ignatius. "I am, of course,"
continued the chairman, "not for one moment doubting that you have the full backing of your Head of
State, both as a Minister and an Ambassador, but that does not change the bank's rule of confidentiality
in such matters. There are no circumstances in which we would releasethe names of any of our account
holders without their authority. I'm sorry to be of so little help, but those are, and will always remain, the
bank rules." The chairman rose to his feet, as he considered the meeting was now at an end; but he had
not bargained for Clean Sweep Ignatius.
"My Head of State," said Ignatius, softening his tone perceptibly, "has authorized me to approach your
bank to act as the intermediary for all future transactions between my country andSwitzerland."
"We are flattered by your confidence in us, Minister," replied the chairman, who remained standing.
"However, I feel sure that you will understand that it cannot alter our attitude to our customers'
confidentiality."
Ignatius remained unperturbed.
"Then I am sorry to inform you, Mr Gerber, that our Ambassador inGenevawill be instructed to make avoid such embarrassment, of course, by simply letting me know the names of my countrymen who hold
accounts with Gerberet Cie and the amounts involved. I can assure you we would not reveal the source
of our information."
"You are most welcome to lodge such a communiqué, sir, and I feel sure that our Minister will explain
to your Ambassador in the most courteous of diplomatic language that the Foreign Ministry does not
have the authority under Swiss law to demand such disclosures."
"If that is the case, I shall instruct myown Ministry of Trade to halt all future dealings inNigeriawith any
Swiss nationals until these names are revealed."
"That is your privilege, Minister," replied the chairman, unmoved.
"And we may also have to reconsider every contract currently being negotiated by your countrymen in
Nigeria. And in addition I shall personally see to it that no penalty clauses are honoured."
"Would you not consider such action a little precipitate?"
"Let me assure you, Mr Gerber, that I would not lose one moment of sleep over such a decision," said
Ignatius. "Even if my efforts to discover those names were to bring your country to its knees I would not
be moved."
"So be it, Minister," replied the chairman. "However, it still does not alter the policy or the attitude of
this bank to confidentiality."
"If that remains the case, sir, this very day I shall give instructions to our Ambassador to close our
Embassy inGenevaand I shall declare your Ambassador inLagospersona nongrata."
For the first time the chairman raised his eyebrows.
"Furthermore," continued Ignatius, "I will hold a conference inLondonwhich will leave the world's press
in no doubt of my Head of State's displeasure with the conduct of this bank. After such publicity I feel
confident you will find that many of your customers would prefer to close their accounts, while others
who have in the past considered you a safe haven may find it necessary to look elsewhere."
The Minister waited but still the chairman did not respond.
"Then you leave me no choice," said Ignatius, rising from his seat.
The chairman stretched out his arm, assuming that at last the Minister was leaving, only to watch with
horror as Ignatius placed a hand in his jacket pocket and removed a small pistol. The two Swiss bankers
froze as the Nigerian Minister of Finance stepped forward and pressed the muzzle against the chairman's
temple.
"I need those names, Mr Gerber, and by now you must realise I will stop at nothing. If you don't supply
them immediately I'm going to blow your brains out. Do you understand?"
The chairman gave a slight nod, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. "And he will be next," said
Ignatius, gesturing towards the young assistant, who stood speechless and paralysed a few paces away towards the young man, "or I'll blow your chairman's brains all over his soft pile carpet. Immediately, do
you hear me?" he added sharply.
The young man looked towards the chairman, who was now trembling but said quite clearly, "Non,
Pierre,jamais."
"D'accord," replied the assistant in a whisper.
"You can't say I didn't give you every chance." Ignatius pulled back the hammer. The sweat was now
pouring down the chairman's face and the young man had to turn his eyes away as he waited in terror for
the pistol shot.
"Excellent," said Ignatius, as he removed the gun from the chairman's head and returned to his seat.
Both the bankers were still trembling and quite unable to speak.
The Minister picked up the battered briefcase by the side of his chair and placed it on the glass table in
front of him. He pressed back the clasps and the lid flicked up.
The two bankers stared down at the neatly packed rows of hundred-dollar bills. Every inch of the
briefcase had been taken up. The chairman quickly estimated that it probably amounted to around five
million dollars.
"I wonder, sir," said Ignatius, "how I go about opening an account with your bank?"
////////
The End