Keaper
02-10-2008, 06:10 AM
اليوم جبتلكم موضوع غير شكل
مجموعة نكت باللغتين الفنسية و الانجليزية
UN CHAT VIENT D'ATRAPER UN RAT
Le rat dit au chat: laisse moi et je vais te donner tout mes petits
le chat accept
et quand il a fait ca et lui jette un coup oeil dans son trou il regarda le rat assi sur une chaise en lui disant .......................je suit encor ............................celibatair
une femme vient de passer son permie
le moniteur lui demande ce quéelle fait quand t 'élle a entre de camions :l' un de farine et l"autre d'huile
elle lui repand qu'elle va faire du gateau traditionel
Une blonde entre dans une pharmacie
- Avez-vous des lunettes ?
- Pour le soleil ?
- Non non, pour moi
Pourquoi les Français aiment-ils tant les histoires belges ?
Parce qu'elles les font rire trois fois :
La première quand on les leur raconte
La deuxième quand on les leur explique,
et la troisième quand ils les comprennent
Trois hommes sont dans un ascenseur : un arbe,un japonais et un américain. Le japonais sort tout a coup un téléphone portable et crâne bien devant les autres. L'américain veut faire mieux et sort un ordinateur portable de la taille d'une calculette. Il frime bien avec. l'arabe voulant crâner aussi mais n'ayant rien, pète et dit au deux autres qui le regardent en rougissant : "C'est rien, je reçois un fax !"
Un homme très myope va chez son opticien :
- Bonjour ! Si je viens, c'est parce que j'ai des problèmes de vue.
- Certes mon ami, mais ici c'est une banque !
Deux copines blondes discutent :
- J'ai été mariée 3 fois.
- Des enfants ?
- Non, des adultes
Un homme entre dans une papeterie : - J'aimerais offrir un beau stylo à ma femme : c'est son anniversaire ! - Oh, c'est bien, dit la vendeuse, vous voulez lui faire une petite surprise ? - Oh que oui, ce sera même une très grosse surprise : elle s'attend à avoir une BMW...
Une mère dit à son garçon :
-N'oublie pas que nous sommes sur terre pour travailler.
- Bon, alors moi, plus tard je serai marin !
Un père et son fils sont sur la plage.
- Oh papa, regarde le beau bateau
- Fils, ce n'est pas un bateau mais c'est un yacht
- Ah oui, et comment ça s'écrit?
- Heu..., attend ..., non c'est toi qui a raison, c'est un bateau
Comment une femme fait pour épouser un homme beau, riche, intelligent et
sensible?
Elle se marie 4 fois
Deux fous veulent s'échapper de l'asile. Alors un des deux dit :
- Regarde, je vais allumer la lampe électrique, tu vas monter sur le faisceau
lumineux, et tu sauteras par dessus le mur !
Et l'autre répond :
- Tu me prends pour un con ? Quand je serai au milieu, tu vas éteindre !!
C'est un gars qui se promène au bord d'un lac, tout à coup il voit quelqu'un qui
se débat dans l'eau en criant HELP HELP ...
Alors il lui crie 'eh idiot t'aurais mieux fait d'apprendre à nager au lieu
d'apprendre l'anglais ...'
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls Royce," the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone I learned that you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter:
"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"
One rainy evening, my husband, John, and I emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car. He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found.
John then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and we climbed in. As we sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat.
With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one handy."
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine Mc Dowell.
Q: What is your marrital status?
A: Fair.
Q: What is your brother-in-law's name?
A: Borofkin
Q: What is his first name?
A: I can't remember.
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years, and you can't remember
his first name?
A: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and
pointing to Mr. Borofkin). Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your
first name!
مجموعة نكت باللغتين الفنسية و الانجليزية
UN CHAT VIENT D'ATRAPER UN RAT
Le rat dit au chat: laisse moi et je vais te donner tout mes petits
le chat accept
et quand il a fait ca et lui jette un coup oeil dans son trou il regarda le rat assi sur une chaise en lui disant .......................je suit encor ............................celibatair
une femme vient de passer son permie
le moniteur lui demande ce quéelle fait quand t 'élle a entre de camions :l' un de farine et l"autre d'huile
elle lui repand qu'elle va faire du gateau traditionel
Une blonde entre dans une pharmacie
- Avez-vous des lunettes ?
- Pour le soleil ?
- Non non, pour moi
Pourquoi les Français aiment-ils tant les histoires belges ?
Parce qu'elles les font rire trois fois :
La première quand on les leur raconte
La deuxième quand on les leur explique,
et la troisième quand ils les comprennent
Trois hommes sont dans un ascenseur : un arbe,un japonais et un américain. Le japonais sort tout a coup un téléphone portable et crâne bien devant les autres. L'américain veut faire mieux et sort un ordinateur portable de la taille d'une calculette. Il frime bien avec. l'arabe voulant crâner aussi mais n'ayant rien, pète et dit au deux autres qui le regardent en rougissant : "C'est rien, je reçois un fax !"
Un homme très myope va chez son opticien :
- Bonjour ! Si je viens, c'est parce que j'ai des problèmes de vue.
- Certes mon ami, mais ici c'est une banque !
Deux copines blondes discutent :
- J'ai été mariée 3 fois.
- Des enfants ?
- Non, des adultes
Un homme entre dans une papeterie : - J'aimerais offrir un beau stylo à ma femme : c'est son anniversaire ! - Oh, c'est bien, dit la vendeuse, vous voulez lui faire une petite surprise ? - Oh que oui, ce sera même une très grosse surprise : elle s'attend à avoir une BMW...
Une mère dit à son garçon :
-N'oublie pas que nous sommes sur terre pour travailler.
- Bon, alors moi, plus tard je serai marin !
Un père et son fils sont sur la plage.
- Oh papa, regarde le beau bateau
- Fils, ce n'est pas un bateau mais c'est un yacht
- Ah oui, et comment ça s'écrit?
- Heu..., attend ..., non c'est toi qui a raison, c'est un bateau
Comment une femme fait pour épouser un homme beau, riche, intelligent et
sensible?
Elle se marie 4 fois
Deux fous veulent s'échapper de l'asile. Alors un des deux dit :
- Regarde, je vais allumer la lampe électrique, tu vas monter sur le faisceau
lumineux, et tu sauteras par dessus le mur !
Et l'autre répond :
- Tu me prends pour un con ? Quand je serai au milieu, tu vas éteindre !!
C'est un gars qui se promène au bord d'un lac, tout à coup il voit quelqu'un qui
se débat dans l'eau en criant HELP HELP ...
Alors il lui crie 'eh idiot t'aurais mieux fait d'apprendre à nager au lieu
d'apprendre l'anglais ...'
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls Royce," the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone I learned that you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter:
"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"
One rainy evening, my husband, John, and I emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car. He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found.
John then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and we climbed in. As we sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat.
With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one handy."
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine Mc Dowell.
Q: What is your marrital status?
A: Fair.
Q: What is your brother-in-law's name?
A: Borofkin
Q: What is his first name?
A: I can't remember.
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for 45 years, and you can't remember
his first name?
A: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and
pointing to Mr. Borofkin). Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your
first name!