Time To Laugh

[ACME]

A joke

Father: Now son , be good while I 'm away .
Son: O.K. Dad. I 'll be good for fifty dollars .
Father: That's too much son !
When I was your age, I was good for nothing


A wit

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask
for it back when it begins to rain
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:smile (91):

[ramzi1]

my brother
a nice joke, but this is the bare fact

[ACME]

The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

[ACME]

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope


The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.


Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense

[ACME]

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher


Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"



Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

[mohamedelsahart]

Some Bedwins stopped a taxi .They wanted to go to Jedda .The driver said the ,it will cost you 200 R.S. One of them ,said that's too much ,we will pay only 100 R.S. The diriver said : OK. Finally, when they reached Jedda everyone paid 100 R.S.

[mohamedelsahart]

:small (42)::small (42)::small (42):

Some Bedwins stopped a taxi .They wanted to go to Jedda .The driver said the ,it will cost you 200 R.S. One of them ,said that's too much ,we will pay only 100 R.S. The diriver said : OK. Finally, when they reached Jedda everyone paid 100 R.S.