1-I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
2-I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
3-Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
4-I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
5-Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
6-He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
7-When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
8-Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
9-A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
10-There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
11-A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
12-The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
13-A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
14-Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
15-The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
16-The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
17-If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!
18-I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
19-I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
20-I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.
21-A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
22-Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
23-To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
24-It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
25-England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
26-A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
27-Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
28-Tennis players don't marry because Love means Nothing to them.
29-When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
30-Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
31-Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
32-Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%, they blame it on the cost of living.
33-How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
34-Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”
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Pun.....once more
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