The Victorious Solider

[The Seeker]

Hey there,
This is a poem I wrote about death. I would be greatfull if pass on comments on improving it.

Death how greedy can you be?
You separate from those we love,
You feast upon our miseries.
Our tears quench your grief's trust.

Do You take pleasure in bringing us greif?
Or are you merely a faithful solider,
Instructed not to fail but to succeed?
You wave darkness and agony in your hands.

You not only water cheeks with salt tears,
Dripping like blood on the battel field,
You dry their fountains and bury them under sadness.
But from the moment we are shrouded in the tomb
You immortalize out words and deeds in memories.

Yet, you who will weep upon me.
When the soul leaves as gentle as the mountain breeze,
Rejoic and be happy for me.
But if its departure is as painful as burning bees stings.
Pray for my forgiveness .

[Instigator]

Death is everyone's destiny

[Mr.X]

Very nice......Keep on

Mr.X

[wisam0]

good

plz

try to write about love next time

[اسيــ حبه ــرة]

wooooooooow what a great poem

But I have porblem with the vocabulary

But never mind ... I understand a little things

It is very nice... keep on this way friend

[The Seeker]

Thanks guys for the comments those of you who are having exams I hope that you do well in them. As for love poems I am still working on them but not to forget I need your comments.

[Abo Lama]

thnx my brother for ur excellant poem



we should at least support talaneted ppl like u


by saying thanku or even passing by





hoping one day to read ur novels

[صمت]

im the last one could b ever able to talk about death or love...but i think ur poem s sooo trulllly and has alot ot truth in it sooooo u forget that u read a poem..

[Desdemona]

so nice
but a piece of advice : try to keep your lines shorter
cause even native speakers find it difficult to compose long lines with regular rhythm


NOTE: grateful NOT greatful

;) :)

[enigma]

SPLENDID

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