Verbal Wounds

**enigma** · 17-07-2005, 04:54 PM

[align=left]There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper,he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.Over the next few weeks,as he learned to control his anger,thenumber of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.He said, "You have done well,my son,but look at the holes in the fence.The fence will never be the same.When you say things in anger,they leave a scar just like this one.You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry,the wound is still there.A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one

When I first read this story three years ago,I kept wondering how small we feel if we ever said things we don't mean in time of anger.We sometimes explode & become outrageous.When things go back to normal we sit & start thinking of what happened,but most of the time it's too late to apologize
Since that day I decided,being a short tempered person yet quiet unless provoked,to control my anger
What helped me most was meditation.I managed to set aside a number of minutes for relaxation everyday.It helped but not to the extent I want it to be.It's true that no one could ever reach perfection but it's good to refine oneself
I was wondering are there other ways to share with me[/center]

**(ASTRO)** · 17-07-2005, 05:43 PM

[align=left]Dear Enigma

I have read your story twice and lingered over your contemplation. Words hold our imagination prisoner when they touch our hearts, and your words did just that.
When a man asked Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) for his advice, he told him not to be angry thrice. Unfortunately few of us would head that advice. We have become too self-centered to forgive and forget. The simplest of misunderstanding would turn, because of our hasty judgements, into an unforgivable crime. And to add salt to to the wound, we refuse to apologize even when it becomes clear we are the ones to be blamed. I found myself in such a situation a number of times and regretfully made the silly decision of burrying my head in the sand. Lately, however, I have been trying to change my perspective of things in the hope of reaching out to others. I have found that a smile and a sweet compliment would build a bridge of trust and eventually eliminate any unwanted misconclusions. It also has become clear to me that the more I try to understand the other person's motives behind his words and actions, the more I find them acceptable.

Sorry, I seem to have spoken too much, but the topic is indeed worth more than just a short reply. The story, the thoughts and the wonderful language used by Enigma captured my attention. Thank you Enigma for raising such a vital issue.[/center]

**Instigator** · 18-07-2005, 12:40 PM

.I really wondered as you did since I read this post

Personally, we should get ourselves used to praise
Allah almaighty. Then, we should take a deep breath
.before doing such thing to know exactly what to say
.Also, we must replace such bad words with good ones
Finally, SILENCE is sometime the most reasonable
.solution in such situation

.Anyway, what matters most is how to control and behave ourselves

.THANKS FOR RAISING SUCH NEGOTIABLE ISSUE

.KEEP IT UP

**enigma** · 18-07-2005, 01:22 PM

[align=left]Dear ASTRO
My words are humble if compared to your style of writing which I really admire.I totally agree with you in all the things you said
I do believe in forgiving others cause they're just as fallible as we are.I always imagine I'm the other person & try to put myself in his/her shoes.I learned to drop my grudges against others & kept in mind that they have problems too
But, in spite of my awareness of these things,I still,in certain situations,find myself irritable.Situations that concern close & dear people.People that I do care about
You just can't help it.Sometimes you wish if you were a less caring person[/center]

**enigma** · 18-07-2005, 01:32 PM

[align=left]Dear Instigator
It takes a well-mannered personality to do the things you just said.I'm glad that you have such a great one.But don't you think that being silent may have many interpretations in some situations
I think we are all on the right track of controlling ourselves[/center]

**enigma** · 19-07-2005, 03:43 PM

Hello
peaple

Have
you
run
out
of
new
ways
to
control
anger

**(ASTRO)** · 19-07-2005, 04:06 PM

[align=left]Dear Enigma

Thank you for your sweet words about my style of writing. Your admiration is a guiding star for my lost boat at the Sea of Darkness; I merely strive to follow its light

You are right, the deepest of wounds come not from our enemies but from those whom we hold close to our hearts. But life offers no simple choices. We either choose the safety of watching from a distance and cut ourselves from the realm of social life, or live with the others and share their moments of joy and grief, triumph and defeat and worst of all cunning and deciet. Either way, what really matters is the dignity and pride with which we live

Once more, I find myself captivated by your wisdom. Thank you [/center]

**daydreamer** · 20-07-2005, 12:23 PM

its never too late to apologize to someone u really love....i can control my temper cuz i dont think about the problem when im mad ....when im in serious troubles i like to go 4 a walk and sometimes i like to talk to my best friend...when im mad at someone i dont talk to him/her at the moment i like to leave him/her think about what she/he did then after we both come down we start talking about it....but u know lately i feel that my soul deep inside is like that fence full of holes and scars from people i really love and care for but its LIFE and life is always tough
sorry 4 being late to reply

**enigma** · 21-07-2005, 03:50 PM

[align=left]Thanks for your kindness dear brother.But I'm still not wise enough in many aspects of life

In my search for an answer to my inquiries I ran into one of the books I've read once & found great ways.Ways that I've read before many times but rarely use or apply
I wanted to share them with everyone

In order to control anger you should deal with what causes it
If you find yourself automatically reacting over the simplest things in a frustrated,angry,defensive,distant manner,it's most likely due to an event linked to a past situation. The most critical element that prevents individuals from achieving their greatness is unresolved issues.All of us tend to suppress problems rather than deal with them as soon as they "pop up".0
We all should also learn how to let go of the past we cannot change
If you find inside you this enormous pressure is building up try tow words: CONTROLLED ERUPTIONS the writer recommend.Within reason do what you have to in order to relieve your daily stress.Take some form of control,get away from that confrontation,write a scathing letter that you never email,take a stroll anywhere you feel at peace.Once in aday,three times a day,a hundred times a day,whatever it takes,make a sincere effort to deal with life's unpleasantaries as best as you can [/center]

**enigma** · 21-07-2005, 03:55 PM

[align=left]I'm truely happy for your presence dear sis.Where have you been daydreamer I missed you & your great mentality so much,I hope you're okay

Thanks for your sensible way of dealing with anger [/center]

**daydreamer** · 21-07-2005, 06:45 PM

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة enigma

[align=left]I'm truely happy for your presence dear sis.Where have you been daydreamer I missed you & your great mentality so much,I hope you're okay

Thanks for your sensible way of dealing with anger [/center]

thanx for asking about me and missing me....im just a little bit upset but i gonna be ok ..i just needed to ran away and stay alone for a while...sometimes i feel that my life need to be paused....its summer and everything is burning up here including our lives not just our tempers

**enigma** · 22-07-2005, 09:25 PM

[align=left]It's good to get away from your environment from time to time as long as you can't change it.But I want you to try your best to get out of this mood ASAP cause I miss your spirit & your amazing topics[/center]