::..I'm Not Alone..::

**اسيــ حبه ــرة** · 20-08-2005, 08:27 AM

I saw a star in the sky
And she asked me to fly
To see the world look small
And to play with the moon all the time

I flew by wings of tears
I knew there was someone who cares
Now I know that I'm not alone
And I'm not afraid to fall any more

Now I'm down again
And I see the world insane
And I have to play the rule
And to show the people that I'm not alone

I saw the star through the window
And she told me honestly what to do
I gave her my thanks and she smiled at me
She promised always to do the best for me

I slowly closed my window
After the star said I love you
And I prayed to God
I asked him not to hurt my star
Never

**زهرة وفى** · 20-08-2005, 10:51 AM

thanks my smart for anice poem

i would like to ask you

do you write this poem by your self

i wish you property and successful in your life

notice that

star = it I think Do'nt She

**(ASTRO)** · 20-08-2005, 02:25 PM

Dear Asirat 7obah

I have read your poem twice and enjoyed reading it every time. The thoughts and images were clear and simple, and the emotions touching and tender. It's clear to me that you worked hard on choosing your words and images and it has paid off. Nonetheless, to make this poem the perfect one it should be, I suggest you correct the grammar of the following phrases

I saw a star in the sky
I knew there was someone who cares
Now I know that I'm not alone
And she told me honestly what to do
I gave her my thanks and she smiled at me
She promised always to do the best for me
I slowly closed my window
And I prayed to God

You see you have to maintain the tense of the verbs in the same sentence. In your case you chose most of the sentences to be in the past tense. Another point is that try not to use the word "AND" too much. In the poem you used it ten times

However, I still think this is a marvelous piece of writing taking into consideration it's one of your early works

Dear Asirat 7obah
I am amazed at your ability and love of the language. I wish we had more creative souls like you. Thank you for lighting a candle of hope in our surrounding darkness

**Instigator** · 21-08-2005, 08:15 AM

اسيــ حبه ــرة
no matter how many mistakes
in the poem, because it is the start
.I personally consider it an amazing start to write

.There are many stars but the moon is one
.You are the moon. So, you are not alone anymore

I really enjoyed reading these so touching
.words imagining that wonderful picture to live

Thank you so much for the happy
.feeling you let me feel and live

.Keep it up

**اسيــ حبه ــرة** · 21-08-2005, 10:54 AM

,Dear Zahrat Wafa

Yeah I wrote by my self

Don't be surprised

Thanx for passing by.. I really appriciate it

**اسيــ حبه ــرة** · 21-08-2005, 10:58 AM

,Dear Astro

Thanx for learning me I knew that there

is alot of mistakes.. ^_^ thanx sooo much

I want you always in that way

And I will do what you say

**اسيــ حبه ــرة** · 21-08-2005, 11:01 AM

,Dear Instigator

Thanx for your lovely words that shine my sky

^_^ And people learns from their mistakes

Happy to see you here ...

**سنيوريتا** · 21-08-2005, 12:21 PM

so touching words my dear

I'm not complementing you .. but really I like it

I'm glad I've been through your post

Keep on sister
;)

= )

**(ASTRO)** · 21-08-2005, 01:25 PM

Dear Asirat 7obah

I am glad to see that you haven't felt discouraged by my remarks. We are not here to play the rules of teachers and students. We are here to learn from each other and enjoy the exchange of thoughts and ideas
Once again, I find myself enchanted to have met such an ardent knowledge seeker such as you dear sister

**اسيــ حبه ــرة** · 22-08-2005, 03:52 AM

,Dear Sanurita

First - Let me say

Welcome sweety to your home

Here in S.E forums

Second - I'm also happy to see

here in this topic.. I wish you success

in everything you do