Time To Laughاضحك و شارك معنا

[ACME]

[B][/B
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A joke

Father: Now son , be good while I 'm away .
Son: O.K. Dad. I 'll be good for fifty dollars .
FatherA joke

: That's too much son !
When I was your age, I was good for nothing


wit

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask
for it back when it begins to rain
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ACME]

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope


The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.


Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher


Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"



Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

[ACME]

He’s the senior – teacher. He’s over 70! (How many different meanings of senior are there?)





Why didn’t the perfume arrive? Because it wasn’t scent






Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe

[الشامخ 9]

[ضحكـة الدنيا]

: )

I am wating for more

[M.o_o.N]

Life is like a MOVIE...
If you're sad - DRAMA
If you're afraid - SUSPENSE
If you're angry - ACTION

When you look at the mirror - HORROR


LooL

Nice jokes , thanx brother.

[BloumagrieT]

The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen

sirhasan

Thank you

[مخاوي الدمعه]

[The tolerant]

thanks for u
Renoa u make me laugh
May Allah keeps u

[ضحكـة الدنيا]

sooooosooo

looooooooooooooool

you make me laugh

...
I told my mother about that by arabic language

she laughed alot

thaaaaaaaaanks bro

[ROUZA]

[babygirl]

wit

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask
for it back when it begins to rain
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaa
vary vary laughing
than you

[فـيصـل]

Life is like a MOVIE...
If you're sad - DRAMA
If you're afraid - SUSPENSE
If you're angry - ACTION

When you look at the mirror - HORROR


LooL

Nice jokes , thanx brother.

lol


it's really shock...when you look at your self in the miror
you will see the horor part

[ACME]

وهذه مجموعه من الأسئله تمت الاجابه عليها بطريقه مضحكه

السؤال
الاجابه الغريبه والمضحكه
الاجابه الصحيحه


What is the name of the insect which makes honey?
Honey Fly
(Bee)



What 'X' is the fear of foreigners or strangers?
The X-Factor
(Xenophobia)


A person who earns just enough for basic needs is said to live 'hand to ..' what?
Foot.
(Mouth)


A human adult has how many wisdom teeth?
Two
(Four)


Mother Theresa of Calcutta was awarded a Nobel prize for what?
Looking after poor children
(Peace)



What is thirty-nine times two ?
Sixty-four
Sixty-four


An annual event takes place how many times a year
Twelve
(One)


Which three-letter word means to cut grass?
Trim
(Mow)


What country has the highest number of Portuguese speakers
Spain.
(Brazil)


Which beverage has varieties including latte and mocha?
Milk.
(Coffee)

[ACME]

What is thirty-nine times two ?
Sixty-four
Seventy-eight

[ACME]

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age

[ACME]

* Why does a chicken lay an egg

If she dropped it , it would break




*Where do fish keep yheir money

In river banks





*Who is bigger , Mrs. Bigger or her baby

Her baby is a little Bigger




*Why was the photographer arrested

Because he shot people




* Why is a room full of married couples empty

Because there is not a single person in it

[ACME]

*What do liars do after they die

Lie still


*Are you crazy if you talk to yourself

Not unless you answer


*What do you call the life story of a car

An autobiography

[ACME]

Signs


On a ski lift in Taos, NM:
"No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted."

Official sign near door: Door Alarmed.
Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

HEY, Life is still not fair for the guys...Found in a restaurant
in England:
Guys: No shirt, No service
Girls: No shirt, No charge


Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen
several years ago:
Restrooms
<-----
Please wait for hostess to seat you.
.

Seen in a health food store:
"Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic
carrot"

"Children left unattended will be towed at parents' expense."

I went to a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant:
"Women are not served here... You have to bring your own."

[ACME]

Humorous Signs


On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."

On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."

On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."

On yet another butcher's shop (Burlington, VT): "You can't beat our meat."

At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

On a chiropractor's office (who also deals with classical sheet music) - "We deal with Beethoven, Brahms and back."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"

In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."

On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."

[نوووووت]

[ACME]

4 Funny Attempts at Speaking English


English is tough to learn, as these attempts from classes in English as a second language prove:

"Do you like this food? I made it from scratching."

"I never liked mushrooms, but now they are beginning to grow in me."

"Do you like your coffee cremated?"

"I usually worm up my food before I eat it."

[ACME]

While I was shopping in a pharmacy, a couple of teenagers came in. They were dressed in leather, chains, and safety pins. The boy had blue and purple spiked hair and the girl's hair was bright yellow. Suddenly the boy picked up a pair of sunglasses and tried them on. "What do you think?" he asked his girlfriend.
"Take them off!" she howled. "They make you look ridiculous."



For some reason, the bookstore clerk couldn't get the computer to recognize my preferred customer card. Peering over her shoulder at the screen, I said, "There's part of the problem. It shows my birth date as 12/31/1899."
"That's right," my husband chimed in. "She was born in June, not December."

[ACME]

You are welcome to add your own jokes , friend

[ACME]

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Wit

High heels were invented by women who had been kissed on the forehead


Gossip is what no one claims to like but everybody enjoys


Life is too short and the time we waste in yawning never can be regained



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